Limitless Love
The Fall From Eden
In the beginning, there was limitless love.
Unconditional
No performance standards to meet
No criticism
No judgement
No morality or immorality
No wrong
All right
All good
A baby brings joy to other just by Being.
Then, as the child matures, they receive ciriticism for failing to perform properly, for errors, suddenly they must do and do it right, errors and failures result in punishment and pain. The parent and others blame the child for their unwanted feelings. You made me mad, so you should feel bad, I will make you feel bad and I will hurt you. You disappointed me, you made me feel sad, so you must feel guilty and bad. You made me feel afraid, so I must get angry and control and rebuke you lest you cause my worst fears about you come true.
The forbidden fruit of knowledge has been injested.
Innocence is lost.
Shame becomes status quo and the child quickly tries to cover themselves, ashamed of who they are, how they look, trying to hide their true and beautiful self. No longer is it okay to let yourself be as you truly are. Guises, shields, masks, and fake personas are adopted so that no one will see the vulnerable joyous person underneath.
Fear becomes the primary motivator of behavior- fear of being found out, of being uncovered, of judgement, and pain. Shame about body image and basic human needs now denied creates the prison-pen of punishment now internalized so that we hold ourselves in a state of fear and pain without the continued abuse and lies from outside.
The child, after being blamed, criticized, berated, held responsible for the unwanted feelings of parents, punished before the age of 5, internalizes unconsciously this false and evil system so well, that they now have learned to automatically punish themselves without even thinking about it.
So now you have learned to feel bad, horrible even, when you make a mistake, when you experience conflict with another, when anyone around you is less than happy, especially when you are criticized, rejected, or neglected.
You create so much pain and punishment for yourself that you are desperate to feel good. You will take drugs, abuse yourself with alcohol, take risks, steal, anything to escape the pain you now create for yourself.
You may vascillate between self-doubt and self-blame for these awful feelings, or you may lash out in anger at others because now you think other people are making you feel badly when they don’t give you what you want or they are upset. You may feel responsible for making everybody else feel okay and never ask them for what you want. Or you may dominate, control, and blame others, hurting them because you falsely accuse them of causing your pain. You have learned to limit your love for yourself and others. You were loveable only when you behaved properly, if not then love was withdrawn, now you only love yourself and others when you or they perform the way you think is proper and expected.
The Journey Back to Eden