One of the things people in my business need to help clients watch out for is becoming too problem-focused. Once you get started, it can be hard to stop! We solve one problem, then we hunt for more, and naturally, if we look hard enough, we can always find them. I can’t tell you how many times I have listened to someone tell me “He can’t sit still,” or, “He doesn’t follow directions.” That’s when I glance at the kid and say “Wow, how’d you get him here?”
We can also always find successes and solutions.
Is the glass half empty or half full? When we are working with children who are not being as successful as we would like them to be, it becomes critical that we monitor ourselves so we aren’t too critical! These children need our faith, support, confidence, and messages assuring that they can, they are, and they will.
The same can be said for working with couples. You go in to the counselor to talk about problems, right? We have to be careful not to influence people to establish or maintain a negative and inaccurate or distorted viewpoint about a person, a behavior, or a relationship. We need hope and faith to create a positive space for the person or the relationship to grow into.
We want to be solution focused because this helps us notice when the problem does not occur. We begin to realize we in fact have the means to cope with difficulties in acceptable ways. We can also think about those good moments and try to figure out what we did that created our magical formula for success.