Self Esteem Video Table of Contents
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There wasn’t enough space for all the videos, ebooks, forms, and templates created so we had to make a new website for this indispensable resource. The best part is how much you can learn for under 15 bucks.
Your self-esteem is how you think about yourself and helps determine your resiliency to stress and frustration. I think we should query our children about what they are good at and what other people would like about them, and help them build up their self image in positive ways. I like to make a t-chart, listing strengths on one side and weaknesses or things to work on placed on the other side. Many children who come to see me in my office can only think of a zero to two good things about themselves, and some refuse to admit to having any shortcomings or things to work on at all.
Video sample link: http://vimeo.com/user15018735/review/57591170/07a9d52958
Those that won’t discuss their shortcomings are suffering from a weak sense of self-esteem, and are defending themselves with denial. Children who feel they are generally worthy and good don’t exhibit such difficulties with admitting they have some weaknesses as well.
We can help them create a list of what is good about them, and each night before bed or during dinner we can ask them to tell us three things they did well or are proud of about their day and what they did, and we can review their better qualities. This can help them develop a habit of noticing the good things rather than having a negative focus. We all do much better when we are confident and think good things about ourselves rather than being plagued by self-doubt. “I got stuck on my Math homework but I am learning to handle frustration, take a break, and try again until I succeed.”
We can teach them to think this way about their day and their challenges so they form healthy thinking habits and good feelings about themselves!
My video “Self-talk, Self-esteem, and Self-control” will show you more about how to do this, and give you games, techniques, and resources to help you help the children you care about.
Signs of Low Self-esteem:
Mr. Rogers story:
How do we learn to put ourselves down?
Obstacles to good self-esteem:
Five factors that determine the intensity of not-ok feelings:
Protections are how you try to deny or control a situation you perceive as threatening.
How do you try to control your children?
Hitting/spanking, taking responsibility for others, Yelling, pouting, Criticism, silent treatment, Shaking head, anger, Irritation, explaining, Accusing, Lecturing/moralizing, Sarcasm, blaming, Illness, disapproving sighs/looks, Lying/withholding truth, blaming or poor me tears, Complaining, convincing, Judgment, talking child out of their feelings, Analyzing, put-downs, Interrogating, telling, feelings
How else do you try to control your child?
Being indispensible, superior attitude, Self-righteous, temper tantrums, False flattery, angry withdrawal, Gifts with strings attached, arguing, Threats of: __________
Financial withdrawal, exposure to others, Emotional withdrawal, illness, Violence, You will never be successful unless you _______
Beliefs to Question:
The only way to get them to do what I want is to make them
When I know I’m right, it’s loving to control my children
My attempts to control my children will earn respect and love
I can hide my control so they don’t know they are being manipulated
My anger just happens, I have no control over it
Controlling children teaches responsibility
Being angry is loving if it’s for their own good
Sometimes it’s necessary to yell or hit to get them to behave
I should never let them see me frightened or hurt
Parents are always right
There are no good reasons for children to be disrespectful
Beliefs about Protections:
Our protections will get us what we want
They work to avoid pain
It’s possible to be protected and still be loving
You can be protected and open to learning at the same time
It’s possible to be protected and feel happy, loved, and adequate
Being unprotected leaves me too vulnerable
If I’m open and loving, people will take advantage of me
Being soft and open is being weak.
People will think less of me.
Being protected feels good
Being protected is really taking care of myself
How do you shut down or ignore to protect yourself?
Work
Tv
Gambling
Drugs
Alcohol
Reading
Hobbies
Friends
Sports
Sleep
Food
Illness
Meditation
Spending
Fantasizing
Spacing Out
Money
Rumination
When self-esteem is too high: parenting may be too permissive, we can create entitlement…
Beliefs to Question:
Going along with what my kids want ensures their love for me
I can avoid problems if I give myself up
Giving myself up doesn’t lower my self-esteem
Love requires you to do things you don’t want to do
Giving in is a good way to resolve conflicts
If I don’t comply they won’t love me
I can’t be myself and be loved by them
Good parents comply to make their children happy
Complying is more loving than any other protection
I can shut down my feelings and still have a loving relationship with my children
Signs of Healthy Self-esteem:
Cognitive Distortions
These are faulty or incorrect ways of thinking. By noticing and writing down your thoughts right before or during a time you are upset, you can begin to realize how often you bother yourself with your thoughts. Then you can either stop the thoughts, refuse to believe them, or replace them with thoughts that are more accurate, realistic, and helpful.
Incorrect or irrational core beliefs:
“Conditions under which I live must be arranged so that I get practically everything I want comfortably, quickly, and easily and so I get nothing that I don’t want.”
– Albert Ellis
Irrational beliefs held by children:
Teaching Self-Control
Prevents the adult from becoming the discriminating stimuli, where the adult signals the time to act right, preserves behavioral improvement after the adult/rewards are withdrawn
Whoops! My videos have moved to www.icyouvideo.com
There wasn’t enough space for all the videos, ebooks, forms, and templates created so we had to make a new website for this indispensable resource. The best part is how much you can learn for under 15 bucks.
Self Talk, Self Esteem, and Emotional Control Resources
Attwood, T. (2004) Exploring Feelings. Future Horizons, Inc., Arlington, Texas.
Attwood, T. (2008). The CAT-Kit. Future Horizons, Arlington, Texas.
Avery, R. (2008) Meet Thotso, Your Thought Maker. Smart Thot, LLC.
Buron, K. D., & Curtis, M. (2003) The Incredible 1-5 Scale. Shawnee Mission, KS: Autism Asperger Publishing Company.
Buron, K. D. A “5” Could Make Me Lose Control! Autism Asperger Publishing Company, Shawnee Mission, KS. Autism Asperger Publishing Co.
Jetten, J., Haslam, C., Haslam, S., and Nyla Branscombe (2009) Scientific American Mind. Sept/Oct 2009 20(5). Scientific American, Inc. pp. 26-33.
Putnam, R.. (2000). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster.
Madrigal, S., Winner, M. (2008) Superflex… A Superhero Social Thinking Curriculum. San Jose, CA: Think Social Publishing, Inc.
Curtis& Cornell (2002) I’m Gonna Like Me.
Moser, A. (1991) Don’t Feed The Monster.
Dawson & Guare (2009) Smart but Scattered.